Smart, beautiful, kind and fun. There are so many words to describe my wife – my girl, Brenda DeVaull Rustem.
I miss her every day.
She was the first in her family to attend college and won a scholarship by selling tickets to the Debutante Ball to “everyone she knew”. She worked as a librarian, teacher of journalism, and even a television reporter for TV2 in Detroit where she interviewed many of Motown’s greatest performers including Smokey Robinson of the Temptations and the Supremes.
We met when Brenda was working as the Special Assistant for Minority Affairs for Governor William Milliken. Despite already having a bachelor’s and a master’s degree, Brenda went back to college after we were married for an additional degree in accounting. She loved working with numbers and spent 30 years with the IRS and the Michigan Department of Treasury.
However, Brenda’s greatest joys in life were our daughters. We were a close family, and we had 47 years of a good life together.
Brenda took the news of her diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia in stride. Although the odds of survival for this type of cancer are not good, she wanted to have all the time she possibly could with the people she loved.
For the first year of her chemotherapy and treatment, Brenda made good progress.
Then, the hospital visits began, and Brenda developed severe pain. Our daughters took turns staying with us to help with her care. We were managing, but our world had become reduced to doctor’s offices, hospital stays and Brenda feeling really sick and in excruciating pain most of the time.
Brenda started to do the math. She was having more bad days than good days now. She did not like the stress it was causing our family. She called her primary care doctor and said she was stopping her treatments and asked for a hospice referral.
Then she told us she did not want to die at home.
We called Stoneleigh Residence because several people we knew recommended their care. However, they had no beds available at the time. We were disappointed but put her name on the waiting list.
Then, just hours before we were scheduled to take Brenda to another hospice, we got a phone call saying a room at Stoneleigh was available!
I can only describe our time at Stoneleigh as one of peace, comfort, and relief. Brenda loved watching the birds and the deer. When the staff asked what her favorite foods were, one of the nurse aides brought in homemade collard greens just for her!
For thirteen days we had so much love and support from Ionia Area Hospice and the staff at Stoneleigh Residence. Many of our friends and extended family came to visit Brenda. It took so much stress away from me and our daughters.
I remember a time in the 1970’s when I worked for the State of Michigan when legislators from both sides of the aisle worked to change the public health code, so people had the right to choose to stop their treatments for terminal diseases.
If Brenda had not had the opportunity to stop her treatments and choose hospice care or if Stoneleigh Residence did not exist, her passing would have been much different than the one of such tranquility.
Death is an inevitable path for us all. The last days will come. Why not let them be comfortable and peaceful?
I know you believe deeply in hospice care for reasons of your own. Please join me by making a gift in memory of your loved ones as I remember my wife – my girl, during this season of giving.
Gratefully yours,
Bill Rustem